"Patriotism is Subjective"

I find it interesting that many of the people that are either in the public eye or not that say American citizens need to be more patriotic are the same people that have never served in any branch of the Armed Forces. Am I the only one that has noticed this, or is anyone else paying attention?

I served for only two years in the Navy, but I really enjoyed the time that I was in... so much so that I would join the Reserves, if only I didn't have to shave all of my facial hair off. Sorry, but that's a big deal with me... I went through the majority of my life without having any facial hair at all, so now that I can, I tend of cling to it like Linus holds onto his blanket. But enough of this gay banter, back to the subject!

The main thing that many people assume about the men and women that serve is that they do it out of some kind of patriotic inclination that, frankly, doesn't exist. You don't join the Armed Forces because you read Captain America a lot as a kid, and everytime you see the flag, a tiny tear drips slowly down your cheek; you join because you need a job and money for college, and there aren't any jobs were you live. That's why I joined, and as I've talked to more and more people that are either still in or have already been discharged, that's the main answer I get as to why they joined in the first place.

Now, there are a few people out there that have genuinely joined out of a perceived obligation to their country, but they are really, really rare. After September 11, 2001 happened, a lot of young Americans started signing up to serve their country, but it wasn't out of Patriotism, it was out of the need for revenge... and there's nothing patriotic about revenge, no matter how well-deserved you think it may be. Now look at the present state of the military, and tell me what part of being blown up by someone who doesn't want you in their country is patriotic... I'm sure the British would have a thing or two to say on the subject. Why? Because that's what we did to them... over two-hundred years ago. It kind of sucks to have people who aren't from your country telling you what you can and can't do... hell, I can't stand half of the police that I've met here that are from southern states, and that's just because of the accent!

Now imagine that your town has been bombed into a crater, and the people that made it that way are - in your mind - just hanging around, cleaning it up... with guns slung over their shoulders... and they don't speak your language. That's like dating a chick who has ridiculous, violent outbursts and destroys your house, while you're watching, after you break up, and then sits in the middle of the rubble that used to be your entertainment center for a couple of days before cleaning it up - while pointing a knife at you - and refuses to move out. After a while, you'd probably feel like chucking her off of the balcony, wouldn't you?

Now think of all that on a country-wide scale... with religion and explosives all tied up into it... scary, huh?

I'm not saying that if you join the military, you're a sucker who can't think for yourself... I'm saying that Patriotism, as many people refer to it, is largely a myth. You typically don't fight for something based off of a vague generality, you fight because of something specific, like the love of your family, or greed. I got into the service to serve my country, yes, but not because of a patriotic ideal... but because I needed a job, and this was one where I had a 4-year contract with a good guarantee that I wouldn't get a pink slip for no reason. Being in the military isn't a seasonal job, and you don't get treated like you won't be there in a couple of months.

I view patriotism as a simplistic way of thinking of your country in a positive light, when you should be thinking critically about it... all of the time. Like how we trained Osama bin Laden in the late 70's (along with hundreds of other Mujihadeen) to get the Russians out of the Middle East. That's a fact. Now, I know that it may be a hard pill to swallow, but the US isn't a perfect country, and we have largely made our own enemies personally, by hand, like a clay statue... that's just the way it is. But I'd rather be skeptical of what I'm told, than blindly walk into a hail of bullets just because I didn't think for myself, like all adults are supposed to. If you're in, or have ever been in the service, and you disagree with what I have written here, feel free to disagree with me.

I'm not anti-or-pro-military, I just think that our military should be used on only the rarest of occasions, not once every 7-or-so years, whenever the president at that moment feels like showing to the rest of the world that we still have balls. In my mind, critical thought is one of those things that we as a species have over everything else, we just don't use it as often as we should. And I'll end this segment on that note, but before I leave, I'll just give you one final comment on this area of discussion:

Take those stupid yellow, magnetic stickers that say, "Support our Troops" off of your car. You're not supporting anybody by having that crap on your vehicle, all right? If you're such a die-hard supporter of the troops, why don't you get in contact with a couple of them via e-mail and ask them is they need night-vision goggles or body armor so that they can come home in the same condition that they arrived in. Besides, if you have a job that taxes you automatically out of every check, you already support the troops, so you don't need a decal.

I think that it's more important that you try to get them home safe and sound than to condone the illegality of why they're there in the first place.

Now, if you had, "Get our troops home" on your car... that would be appropriate.

"I'm missing you already, man..."

This last Saturday we lost a great stand-up, human being and honest soul when Richard Pryor died in a Los Angeles hospital after having a heart attack. I've been listening to Richard's material since I was a kid, and although I didn't understand a lot of it until I hit puberty, I had to marvel at the sheer dexterity of his vocabulary.

I re-discovered Richard's comedy collection around five years ago, while I was quitting drinking and smoking cold-turkey (I've since started both again since, but that's okay), and it helped me to relax... constant laughing can be an exhausting exercise to undertake. And if laughing is exercise, Richard was the Burgiss Meredith to my Rocky... he kept me in great shape by telling me all the things that scared him as well as the things that brought him joy.

I guess that a lot of the things that make up the greatest comics of our country is their almost obsessive need to talk about their most personal and secret of truths. In order to get you in the mind-frame of a human being not all that different from you, this person - who is unafraid to tell a room of complete strangers every embarrassing fact about themself - shows you that we are all flawed, and makes us all laugh at no matter how much education, money or clothes we have, we cannot hide that on the inside, we're all just hurt and lonely kids that experience the same shit growing up.

And those little things about Richard that made him an addict later in life are also what made him one of the most revolutionary comics in our country's history; the people that go through their lives eating healthy, exercising everyday and never smoking and drinking tend to be dull... a sad truth, but also an important truth. How can you take advice about sex from a man or woman who's never been laid? The same goes for drug use, it's hard to listen to an old man who's never gotten high telling you that if you smoke pot that you'll never go anywhere in life, and end up a hobo, riding trains... since your Dad went to High School with Bill Gates, and he tells you all of those funny stories about how they used to get high under the Football field bleachers during Lunch.

When I found out that Richard had M.S. I knew that wouldn't stop him, just slow him down a little... but I didn't expect him to die so soon. Sure, he was 65 when he died, but for a talent as deep and honest as his, 200 is too soon. He experienced a full life, made millions of people laugh and had a good go at his life, so I doubt he died with any regrets beyond what we all regret, and I hope that if he meets God, God leans down and says, "Mudbone was always my favorite... come on in."

"Have a Holly, Jolly, (Fill in the Blank)"

Hey everyone... this one won't be too long, and I'll try my best to keep it as light-hearted as possible, so here we go!

There has been a lot of discussion regarding when or if it's appropriate to mention "Christmas" by name in most retail stores this year, largely by the news hacks at Fox News, and it's really a stupid agrument to have. I, not being a person of faith, could give two shits about whether or not Christmas is mentioned by name, but then again, I don't think that any specific holiday should be mentioned. A lot of people like to note that this is a largely Christian country that we live in, and they're right, but that doesn't mean that most of the Christians in this country are observant Christians... and they would probably be people who would rather just skip over the whole holiday season and avoid the vapid greed and consumerism that have always been hallmarks of the end of the year.

Christmas isn't about the little baby Jesus, laying in swaddling clothes, surrounded by a barnyard menagerie while a lone star twinkles overhead. It's about spending some hard-earned-time with your family, seeing a relative that lives five states away and catching up on the good old days or serving Christmas Dinner at your local Homeless Shelter... not Wal-Mart or Target being considerate of everyone else in the world when it comes to their beliefs. I think that it's funny that the people that say they believe in Christ the most are the ones that seem to believe that if Jesus were here today, he'd be this prick who ran around the Wal-Mart in his loin cloth all day yelling, "It's my Birthday, you assholes!!! Acknowledge me, I need validation!!! Aarrrgghh!!!".

Last time I checked, Jesus didn't mention getting the best deals in the local markets after Thanksgiving Day, either. If you are a Christian, I'm not writing this to offend you... I'm just saying that the reason for the season is being a good human being for a mere two weeks out of the year, and if you think that just because you believe what you do, you should be shown more courtesy... grow up. The month isn't meant for just you to enjoy... it's meant for everyone to enjoy.

So get off of your high horse and try not being so damned selfish... it's what Jesus would do, isn't it?

Have a Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Winter Solstice or whatever, everyone... just enjoy your time off and stop worrying about all the other crap... it'll come back after January 3... I promise.