"Pity Paris..."

I've desperately tried to avoid hearing or learning anything about the whole Paris Hilton getting out of jail thing for the last week, but apparently I don't have a choice.

There was a huge group of idiots out here in Southern California that tried to petition the Governator to grant Paris a pardon for repeatedly breaking/and or/violating the conditions of her probation for driving drunk.

Now, I understand what it's like to do something stupid and have to live with the consequences, but then again, I'm not a wealthy heiress that gets a minimum of 100K for just showing the fuck up to a party, having made insane amounts of money for being on a Reality TV show (although such a thing has been proven to not actually exist), and the paparazzi definitely don't want any pictures of my cellulite... in other words, if you're a public figure who enjoys the undue adoration of gaggles of half-retarded young Americans, I don't pity you. At all.

One of the early posts that I did on this Blog was a segment that I called, "Celebrities That Should Ride The Short Bus", and I mentioned Paris. I don't regret commenting on someone like Paris, as she has dug her own very public hole, and buried herself up to the neck in public displays of immense ineptitude.

One of the single most stereotypical things was when she recently talked to Barbara Walters, and said that she found God in the L.A. County Correctional System. And here I thought that God wouldn't hang out in solitary confinement... I have always thought that God would be too busy filming David Hasselhoff, hammered and stammering while sloppily eating a Hamburger and later posting it on YouTube... but I guess you can't know everything.

Going to the bootyhouse changes people, but it only changes people that know that when they get out, that they have to start again from scratch. Paris has the luxury of being rich via the hard work and forethought of her Grandfather, and, like most people born into a legacy of insane wealth and privilege, she is unlikely to change. People do stupid shit often because they are not only encouraged to do so, but also because of the knowledge that if they do said stupid shit, they'll get away with it.

Thus, why she was repeatedly photographed driving her own car by the paparazzi that continually follow her, categorizing every movement of her largely meaningless existence, that she was caught breaking the terms of her probation.

Many people tried to posit the thought that she needed to drive for the prosperity of her "Career"... okay, let's go with that. Let's say that you have to commute to work every day for a total of two hours round trip... in most cases, the Judge will go easy on you. Now, let's try that again in the context of a Millionaire. You can easily afford a Limo every day to take you wherever you need to go, at any time of night.

Now, knowing that, do you think that the Judge is gonna go easy on you?

Fuuuuccckkk Nooooo!

Nor should he/she... this person's job is not to go easy (as they often do) on the wealthy, it is to render judgement on the innocence or guilt on the person that had allegedly commited the offense.

Let's add all this up:

1.) You were convicted for driving drunk.

2.) You received Probation with the stipulation that you not drive, as your license had been temporarily suspended.

3.) You are repeatedly photographed violating the terms of your Probation.

4.) You are sentenced to serve a rather short period of time in the L.A. County Jail (most of which you aren't subjected to Gen Pop, a very violent community... and a privilege that most people don't get to enjoy).

5.) You freak out, since your family's wealth can't buy a way out for you... for once.

6.) You go in, and after 4 days, the single most inept L.A. County Sheriff in recent history allows you to go home, over-writing the ruling of a Judge.

7.) You end up having to go back in, and you freak out again.

8.) Two weeks later, you get to talk to a has-been that runs a crappy day-time show that rhymes with "Askew", wherein you prostelitize about how your short stint in the pokey has changed your life, and how you're not as stupid as you have constantly advertised yourself to be.

9.) You get out of Jail, and as you walk back to your Limo to go back to your palatial house in West Hollywood, you basically catwalk though a long corridor, wreathed on both sides by press, who take dozens of pictures of you for the first time, not caked in makeup.

Now call me cynical, but the problem with Paris is much like the problem with Ann Coulter... they're too highly advertised and exposed as actual founts of cultural influence.

In truth, they are selfish, self-centered and grasping drones whose idiocy (unlike Sarah Silverman, who is doing it for comedic effect) has garnered unnecessary attention by committing some of the single stupidest moments to film and print.

The only difference between the two?

Ann Coulter's adam's apple is bigger.