"I Dated a Teen-Age Lesbian"
Actually, she wasn’t an out-of-the-closet Lesbian until after High School, but in order for what I listed as the title to make sense I must tell a strange, prophetic tale that is assured to astound and amaze (and if not, at least bewilder and confuse)! I met Cassie (some of the names of those interested have been changed for obvious reasons) while attending AV High School in 1992, and we got along real well… almost like she was one of the guys. We started dating soon afterwards, and everything was going great for about a month or two when I had a dream. In the dream I was talking to a friend I had in High School named Marc, when I felt someone tapping on my shoulder. I turned around to find that it was my girlfriend Cassie, whom I quickly gave a hug. She asked me to give her a kiss, so I did (a “Freedom Kiss” if you get my drift).
As I pulled back from giving her the kiss, I saw that she had the face of a man! I started freaking out, and woke up instantly. The next day at school, I avoided her at all costs, not really knowing what to think of the dream that I had the night before. I talked to my afore-mentioned friend Marc about the dream that I had, which he chalked up to an over-active imagination, being that I’m an artist. I heard someone calling my name down the hall, and I turned around to see Caleb, a weasel-faced Mormon kid that knew Cassie somehow who had been asked to find me. I told him to leave me alone and let Cassie know that I would see her at Lunch Period. He quickly scampered away like the little Cockroach that he was to relay my message, as I told Marc I’d see him after school so we could go play Super NES at his Mom’s place off of K and Division.
Lunch came quickly enough, being that summer was coming and the days seemed shorter as the school year wrapped up. I met Cassie in front of the Nurse’s Office by the West side of the Quad. I noticed as she walked towards me that she had kind of a bow-legged gait similar to the cowboy-types that I knew in Junior High… which further creeped me out. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable dating her, and made up a generic reason for breaking up with her instead of telling her about the dream, which would have made no sense to her… since I knew that the dream made no sense to me... And I was the one who had it!
She seemed upset about it, but went about her Lunch Period as most girls do… hanging out with her friends. Later that week I went to stay the weekend at my friend Jim’s parent’s house, and I told him about the dream that I had and how I broke up with Cassie. He thought that me breaking up with her was a good idea if a simple (if odd) dream can freak me out like that.
Fast forward to 1999, Halloween Night at Schooner’s in Lancaster, CA. I was sharing an Apartment in Castaic, CA with my best-friend Jim. We met up with a couple of friends at the bar and had a couple of beers and hung out. My favorite moment of the evening was when my friend Tory showed up with his fiancé dressed as Robin… with a face covered in stubble and a cigarette dangling from his lips. He looked like Robin after being in a Methadone Clinic on Coney Island… I laughed so hard I almost pissed my pants. At around One O’clock in the morning, we all figured that it would be a good idea to go get something in our stomachs to soak up the booze… so we went to a place that was built specifically for that task: Denny’s.
After we all got the “Midnight Nausea” special and awkwardly tried to keep it down (which is hard enough to do without booze being involved) I continued talking with my friends for about an hour, when I excused myself to go to the bathroom. On the way to the bathroom, who do I see? Cassie… and her girlfriend whom I was told by Cassie was named Joy. I stopped myself from laughing long enough to introduce myself to her girlfriend and do the whole, “Man, how long has it been?” routine that we all have nailed down by our early 20’s before excusing myself again to use the facilities. As I stood at the urinal I couldn’t stop myself from giggling like a little girl at how some part of my brain knew that Cassie was a Lesbian before she did. After I washed my hands and splashed some cold water on my face to stop it from looking red, I went back out to sit with my friends.
Upon sitting down—after asking me if I fell in—my friend Jim asked me who I was just talking to over by the counter. I said, “Remember the chick that I dated in High School named Cassie and the weird dream that I had?” to which Jim replied, “Yeah, so?” And then the look on his face told me that he remembered. I looked at Tory and his fiancé Kristen and told them that I had a dream about this girl that I dated named Cassie, and how in my dream she had the face of a man and the body of a woman… which didn’t help them understand anymore than then already did. So I told them, “She’s a Lesbian, and there she is with her girlfriend.” My friend Tory smirked, slapped me on the shoulder and said, “Yeah, well we always knew that weird imagination of yours would come in handy some day. But can I ask you a question?” leaning in real close, he asked “So, am I Gay?” to which I responded, “You know, that’s a strange question to hear from a grown man wearing a skin-tight spandex Robin outfit. Liberace has nothing on you, you big Queen… move to San Francisco and open a Leather Bar called ‘Tory’s Chaps’.” And there you have it… the whole strange story, hope you enjoyed it.
As I pulled back from giving her the kiss, I saw that she had the face of a man! I started freaking out, and woke up instantly. The next day at school, I avoided her at all costs, not really knowing what to think of the dream that I had the night before. I talked to my afore-mentioned friend Marc about the dream that I had, which he chalked up to an over-active imagination, being that I’m an artist. I heard someone calling my name down the hall, and I turned around to see Caleb, a weasel-faced Mormon kid that knew Cassie somehow who had been asked to find me. I told him to leave me alone and let Cassie know that I would see her at Lunch Period. He quickly scampered away like the little Cockroach that he was to relay my message, as I told Marc I’d see him after school so we could go play Super NES at his Mom’s place off of K and Division.
Lunch came quickly enough, being that summer was coming and the days seemed shorter as the school year wrapped up. I met Cassie in front of the Nurse’s Office by the West side of the Quad. I noticed as she walked towards me that she had kind of a bow-legged gait similar to the cowboy-types that I knew in Junior High… which further creeped me out. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable dating her, and made up a generic reason for breaking up with her instead of telling her about the dream, which would have made no sense to her… since I knew that the dream made no sense to me... And I was the one who had it!
She seemed upset about it, but went about her Lunch Period as most girls do… hanging out with her friends. Later that week I went to stay the weekend at my friend Jim’s parent’s house, and I told him about the dream that I had and how I broke up with Cassie. He thought that me breaking up with her was a good idea if a simple (if odd) dream can freak me out like that.
Fast forward to 1999, Halloween Night at Schooner’s in Lancaster, CA. I was sharing an Apartment in Castaic, CA with my best-friend Jim. We met up with a couple of friends at the bar and had a couple of beers and hung out. My favorite moment of the evening was when my friend Tory showed up with his fiancé dressed as Robin… with a face covered in stubble and a cigarette dangling from his lips. He looked like Robin after being in a Methadone Clinic on Coney Island… I laughed so hard I almost pissed my pants. At around One O’clock in the morning, we all figured that it would be a good idea to go get something in our stomachs to soak up the booze… so we went to a place that was built specifically for that task: Denny’s.
After we all got the “Midnight Nausea” special and awkwardly tried to keep it down (which is hard enough to do without booze being involved) I continued talking with my friends for about an hour, when I excused myself to go to the bathroom. On the way to the bathroom, who do I see? Cassie… and her girlfriend whom I was told by Cassie was named Joy. I stopped myself from laughing long enough to introduce myself to her girlfriend and do the whole, “Man, how long has it been?” routine that we all have nailed down by our early 20’s before excusing myself again to use the facilities. As I stood at the urinal I couldn’t stop myself from giggling like a little girl at how some part of my brain knew that Cassie was a Lesbian before she did. After I washed my hands and splashed some cold water on my face to stop it from looking red, I went back out to sit with my friends.
Upon sitting down—after asking me if I fell in—my friend Jim asked me who I was just talking to over by the counter. I said, “Remember the chick that I dated in High School named Cassie and the weird dream that I had?” to which Jim replied, “Yeah, so?” And then the look on his face told me that he remembered. I looked at Tory and his fiancé Kristen and told them that I had a dream about this girl that I dated named Cassie, and how in my dream she had the face of a man and the body of a woman… which didn’t help them understand anymore than then already did. So I told them, “She’s a Lesbian, and there she is with her girlfriend.” My friend Tory smirked, slapped me on the shoulder and said, “Yeah, well we always knew that weird imagination of yours would come in handy some day. But can I ask you a question?” leaning in real close, he asked “So, am I Gay?” to which I responded, “You know, that’s a strange question to hear from a grown man wearing a skin-tight spandex Robin outfit. Liberace has nothing on you, you big Queen… move to San Francisco and open a Leather Bar called ‘Tory’s Chaps’.” And there you have it… the whole strange story, hope you enjoyed it.
posted by Todd Tobin at 11:05 AM
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