The other day I was sitting in my apartment, and thinking about
why and how John Kerry was ripped apart by the Right-Wing Conservatives, and the reason is prettty simple:
He grew up.Let me explain... think of yourself when you were 7 years old, when you thought that jumping off of the roof with a
Beach Towel tied around your neck, pretending to be
Superman was a good idea. Seems
downright retarded now, doesn't it?
Now think of yourself when you were 17, and you get caught by your Mom
jerking off with a
ferocity not seen since that PBS Wild Kingdom episode where the Jackals
are dragging a Wildebeest to the ground, and disemboweling it
with their teeth... and all because you
didn't lock the door to the bathroom. Stupid? Oh hell, yeah...
real stupid.
Now think of yourself when you were 21, and you've just finished puking for
the third time of the evening, and you go back to the bar
for another beer... but you decide not to, after the Bartender tells you that he doesn't serve people that don't have the common sense to
clean the vomit from their shirts before they ask for another drink.
Ingeniously Stupid.And here you are, pushing 30 or 40... were any of these things a good idea now that I've reminded you of them? I didn't think so, either. Now think of
the President, and imagine talking
to him in his 20's:
Todd - So, G.W... what do you wanna do after we go to the bar?
G.W. - Go to another bar? Heh heh heh... (bends close to the counter)
Snnnooooooorrtt!!! Yeah!! Good shit!!!T - Geez, what is it with you and the
Weasel Dust, man?!
G - Don't worry man, I don't have to go back to Alabama for my Air National Guard stuff for a while; my Dad talked to a couple of guys and
flashed his CIA badge and now they're gonna be layin' off of me...
T - I'm not talkin' about
the Piss Tests, man... I'm talkin' about you not bein' able to hold a
decent conversation after you start sniffin' that shit up your nose... besides,
what would Laura think?!G - Y'know it'd be pretty hard for her to point fingers... she
did run a guy down with her Chevy, y'know... (bends close to the counter again)
Snnnoooooorrrtttt!!! Whew!!! Anchors Away!!! Hey, Bartender... another shot over here!!
T - Dude, we're still at my house...
remember?G - Oh, yeah... what was I saying again?
T - Y'see,
there you go... I told you about the nose candy and your memory.
G - Whatever, man...
Bartender!!! I said another shot!!!Not an especially
appealing picture of The President, now is it? Well, he was like that until he
was in his 40's... I can't
make this shit up, folks. Sure, he's clean and sober now... but we all know that most Alcholics and former Cokeheads have relapses from time to time. Just the way it works out from time to time... but do you really want a guy who could have a relapse that has the authority to attack
another country whenever he feels the urge to do so? What was the meeting with Dick Cheney like when they first approached him with the
bogus information that
Saddam was the one responsible for September 11th? Let's take a look and see:
Cheney - Hey, George... we go some new information on the attacks.
G.W. -
Great, who did it Dick?
C - Look, you're not going to like this... but we found out from an inside informant that it was
Saddam Hussein.
G -
Wow, are you sure?
C -
Am I sure?! This is the man that tried to
kill your Daddy, G-
Dubya! Hell yeah, I'm sure!
G - Man, I need something to drink... hey, Dick, could you grab that bottle of
cranberry juice out of that fridge for me?
C - Sure thing, George... (Cheney goes over to the fridge and grabs the bottle off of the top shelf) Hey, do you mind
if I have some too?
G - No, that's cool... the glasses are in the cupboard. (Puts his head in his hands)
C - Ah,
there they are! (Cheney puts the two glasses on the counter and pours
one of the glasses full all the way to the rim, and then pulls a Grey Goose Vodka bottle out of his
Puppetmaster Utility Belt and fills the rest of the bottle with Vodka, shakes it up and pours the President a tall glass before he walks back to the table and sits down) Here you go, Dubya... an
anti-oxidant rich glass of juice!
G - (Not even looking up from the table) Thanks, Dick... you're a
good friend. So, (as he takes his first sip) what do ya got as far as intel? (takes another sip)
Hey?! Is this that new
Cran-Strawberry that I like? It has a special
kick to it!
C -
Sure thing, Dubya... only the best for my boy! Well, here's what we've got so far... (and places an inch-think file on the table) it may take a while to explain all of it, though... I gotta go to the bathroom first, do you mind?
G - No, go on ahead... on your way back, could you
grab that bottle of juice? It would seem like a waste to keep getting up over and over again for the same thing.
C - No problem, sir... I'll get it for you on the way back. But
feel free to check out the file while you drink your juice. (Cheney leaves... and doesn't come back
for 20 minutes)
Now think of how many
colossal blunders that have happened during his terms in office, and how his reasoning is only comprehensible to someone
who's drunk... starting to fall into place yet, for you?
Sure, Kerry was as visually appealing as a marble bust of
Frankenstein... but that doesn't, or rather,
shouldn't matter to you unless you're in the
6th Grade. Think back on how they always called Kerry a
"Flip-Flopper" during the his campaign run... because, as we all have, his views of things have changed a little
in the course of 30 fucking years! I know it was a long way to go to make a point, but the fact is that the Democrat and Republican leadership are almost
exactly the same; raised in
privileged environments, went to
the best schools and have
plenty of skeletons in their closets. The only
real difference? Democrats aren't as
greedy... that's all. As most of us know, the ones that talk t
he most shit are often the ones
with the most to hide... so there it is... politics in a nutshell. By a guy who hasn't even graduated from the local J.C... have a great week, everyone.
