"Question Time with Todd!"

Hey, if the Bush Administration can make up press releases so can I, damn it.

Here's a question that was e-mailed to me at my personal e-mail address: todd.tobin.ctr@edwards.af.mil feel free to write me if you either have a question or just wanna call "Bullshit!" on what I have to say. Either way, I'll write you back as soon as I can... now, on to the fun!

Q.) "Todd, what kind of family were you raised in, and are they funny as well?"

A.) Well, I was raised in what I like to call a unique family, with a wide variety of people in it. I was born and raised an Episcopal (Catholic-Lite, for those that know) and was an Acolyte (That's an Altar Boy to Catholics) for nearly ten years. I think that in the end, I only participated in the church for two reasons:

a.) The Pews were made from a really hard wood that seemed to never warm up, no matter how long you sat on them, and made your ass hurt since they didn't believe in the miracle that is seat-cushions in the Episcopal faith, and the Acolytes got to sit on the nice, padded chairs behind the altar and got all the church-wafers we could choke down after Mass.

b.) All of the cool cartoons were on during Saturday mornings... remember, this was before Cartoon Network, folks.

That pretty much ended when my Parents converted to Judaism when I was in High School, though... and they were pretty sneaky about their conversion, too. All they told us was that they had a "Meeting" during the week, and would disappear for a couple hours and come back later in the evening. For a while, I thought my parents were going to an odd couple's version of Alcoholics Anonymous. Then one day, they told us that we didn't have to go to church anymore, which I was immediately happy to hear... and then they told us why: They were Jews now, so they really didn't care if we went.

My parents are two of the funniest people that I know, since their senses of humor are so biting, sarcastic and dry, and laced with a very intellectual view of the world that it's infectious. Of course, it doesn't hurt that they're both teachers; Mom is a High School teacher, and Bob is a Psychologist who teaches at the local community college. If they were stupid, that would be a damn shame... so I guess all those college loans were good for something after all. I'm glad that I can talk to my parents about anything, from sex to philosophy, and they always have something interesting to say... for instance, I went over to my parents house last Friday, and I ended up talking to Bob for about two hours, and then my Mom came home, and I talked to both of them for another half-hour or so before I had to go home.

You wouldn't know it, but when I was a kid, when my Mom first hooked up with Bob, Bob and I were at each others throats on a fairly constant basis, which I think is one of the main reasons that we get along so well now. It's kind of like having two Kung Fu Masters from a 1970's chop-socky flick beating the shit out of each other, and they both end up being best friends based off of the mutual understanding that they can't seem to kill each other, not matter how hard they tried.

My step-brother Seth, on the other hand, is a real trip... I would tell you something witty and avuncular about him, but I think that I'll save that for another time. Same thing with my step-sister Allison, my sister Jennifer and my dog Solomon... I don't have enough time to write all of the funny stories that're popping up in my mind.

Basically, my upbringing was a sitcom... now, just for nostalgia, here's a picture of me taken during in High School (It's from 11 years ago, so prepare for laughter!).

Man, I look like a fuckin' Japanese Anime character... sheesh.

Enjoy!

"Faith Versus Reason"

I don't particularly like to talk too much shit about Religion (or faith in general) since I know that there are many people out there in the world that have nothing other than their faith in their lives.

Many people think that making the Middle East a Democratic area of the world will create a path away from the many problems that exist there, such as poverty, violence and tribal warfare. I've got a better idea of what could solve those problems: Jobs and Hobbies.

If the people of the Middle East had Jobs (which would be a better start than, oh... I don't know... bombing the shit out of them), and in order to distract themselves with how mundane their lives are, they'd have to get Hobbies. In a couple of generations, you'd see a lot of the Jihadist, Extremist or Fundamentalist bullshit start to taper off... and how is that?

Do you have that one part of your family that lives out in the sticks, and are a bunch of overly (and sometimes oppressively) religious nutbars... you know, to the point that you feel like killing anyone that you know that encourages their incredibly narrow-minded interpretation of a single book (Torah, Q'uran or Bible) as being their own personal "Woobie"; protecting them from the reality that the rest of us inhabit?

Have you ever sat them in front of an Xbox or your DirecTV on the big-screen that you have in you living room for a couple of minutes? It's like the religious zealot's version of a shot of Morphine... they tend to turn into normal people after about an hour of exposure to the things that many of us enjoy... even those of us that're broke.

When I lived in South Dakota for a couple of months in High School, my neighbors used to complain about hiring a local Amish girl to babysit, since, "All she ever does was watch TV and tell the kids to play in their rooms." The reason for all of that? Her religious heritage was forced on her at birth, and in her desperation of seeing anything other than the butter-churning and barn-raisings of her home, she became fixated on the escapist entertainment that her heathen brethren enjoys so much.

Now, is Todd saying that Religion is a complete waste of time, devoid of meaning and purpose?

No... not quite. Mostly... but not quite.

I think that many people raising their children rely on the church, temple or mosque to teach their kids the morals and compassion that they could just as easily teach the kids themselves, and should, more often than not, teach their kids the neccessary skills of reason and logic over faith and dogma. With reason and logic comes the uncanny abilities of independant thought and humor... both of which you can't survive living in a world of death and corruption without.

In the end, the main problem with Fundamentalists of every Religion is fairly obvious: They have no sense of humor. How many people know a Republican with a good sense of humor? I bet that at least one of you knows one, but they have that kind of sense of humor that only an elitist Texas Oilman or a member of the Middle Ages French Aristocracy could appreciate.

If we had more people in this world that were trained since childhood to think for themselves, we'd have a lot less violence, ridiculous Fatwah's and so on and so on. Isn't the Middle East, which is rife with corruption, poverty and religious zealotry a miserable enough place to live, and wouldn't it be so much easier to live there if the Muslim Cleric's there encouraged their people to think positive and rebuild their countries instead of encouraging Anti-Semitism and outrage over a fucking cartoon?!

Islam is a great faith, and the vast majority of it's practitioners are peaceful, respectful and civic-minded individuals, with a rich history of scientific and mathematical progress. But don't forget, once the Theocratic Islamic Fundamentalists came into power in the Middle East decades ago, all that progress stopped, since scientific progress and discovery was found to be against Allah, and therefore, illegal. And sadly, this was what heralded the end of the "Cradle of Civilization Age"... I personally want to see the Middle Eastern region get back on it's feet, and take it's place as the home of revolutionary thought again. Maybe it'll happen in my lifetime, maybe not.

I know that someone wants to hear a joke about all of this stuff going on in the Middle East, so I have one for you:


Q: Why is all the oil in the Middle East?

A: Because that's where everything at one point went to die.


I came up with that joke, so if you tell someone it, drop my name...

Have a great Valentine's Day, everyone...