"Wonders of the Human Body"
True love isn’t always dictated by hearing angels sing whenever you see the person you’re with; sometimes its silly shit like the next couple of things that I have listed here.
1.) Body Farts: The sound that comes out from two sweaty bodies colliding in the midst of what can only be described as border-line beast sex. The only kind of sex where sensuality and foreplay is completely unnecessary; the only reason you’re over at that persons house is to do something that would get you ex-communicated from the Catholic Church. If, while you are in this kind of situation and you realize that you’re both laughing at the sound, you are with a person that isn’t so hung up on the pretentious bullshit that often dominates most relationships nowadays… in other words: A Keeper!
2.) Body Odor: Body odor can sometimes be a point of contention in a relationship, but if you honestly love someone… it shouldn’t really matter. If you come home from a hard day of work at the saw mill and you walk over to your significant other lets you hug him/ her and they don’t mention that you smell like a steaming sack of turds… you’re in luck! You found the one for you!
3.) Reformation: Often in a relationship you will get with a person who will try to reform you. And by “Reforming” I mean that the person you’re with tries to change little things about you that are so slight that you don’t even notice it at first… until your friends point it out to you. Did you wear cardigans and dress slacks before you two got together? Well, are you now? That may be something that you should think about. Now, not all reforming is done intentionally. For instance, if you weren’t as attentive and accepting of the flaws of another as you are now… you are growing as an individual. No harm in being a good human being. But, in our fervor for acceptance we will often place ourselves in the position of being changed by another, and the reason for that in the case of being a man - and I don't want to sound sexist, but - is typically because we really enjoy getting laid. But if you think that the changes that have occurred within you are a good thing, good for you!
4.) Musical Fornication: Are you the type of person that likes to have sex while your “Guaranteed-to-get-Ass” mix tape plays in the background? I’m not one of those people personally, but I can understand where that kind of habit can come from. I once was having sex with a girlfriend that I had when I was 21 who had purchased a Barry White CD for me for Christmas. Unfortunately, it was a CD that Barry had made during the era of Disco… and all it did was make both of us break out into hysterical laughter. Not exactly something that you want as a reaction while you’re having sex. But at least it was funnier then one time when I was dating this art student in Santa Cruz, CA. She liked Nine Inch Nails… which isn’t exactly mood music. It’s hard not to get intimidated if you’re having sex while “I Wanna Fuck You like an Animal” is blasting on the stereo. But Nine Inch Nails is better by far than Barry Manilow, whose music causes erectile dysfunction by proxy.
If any of these things have happened to you, or are happening to you in your present relationship (hopefully not while you’re reading this… it messes up the screen) then you may be with someone that you will be quite happy with for a long, long time… good luck!
1.) Body Farts: The sound that comes out from two sweaty bodies colliding in the midst of what can only be described as border-line beast sex. The only kind of sex where sensuality and foreplay is completely unnecessary; the only reason you’re over at that persons house is to do something that would get you ex-communicated from the Catholic Church. If, while you are in this kind of situation and you realize that you’re both laughing at the sound, you are with a person that isn’t so hung up on the pretentious bullshit that often dominates most relationships nowadays… in other words: A Keeper!
2.) Body Odor: Body odor can sometimes be a point of contention in a relationship, but if you honestly love someone… it shouldn’t really matter. If you come home from a hard day of work at the saw mill and you walk over to your significant other lets you hug him/ her and they don’t mention that you smell like a steaming sack of turds… you’re in luck! You found the one for you!
3.) Reformation: Often in a relationship you will get with a person who will try to reform you. And by “Reforming” I mean that the person you’re with tries to change little things about you that are so slight that you don’t even notice it at first… until your friends point it out to you. Did you wear cardigans and dress slacks before you two got together? Well, are you now? That may be something that you should think about. Now, not all reforming is done intentionally. For instance, if you weren’t as attentive and accepting of the flaws of another as you are now… you are growing as an individual. No harm in being a good human being. But, in our fervor for acceptance we will often place ourselves in the position of being changed by another, and the reason for that in the case of being a man - and I don't want to sound sexist, but - is typically because we really enjoy getting laid. But if you think that the changes that have occurred within you are a good thing, good for you!
4.) Musical Fornication: Are you the type of person that likes to have sex while your “Guaranteed-to-get-Ass” mix tape plays in the background? I’m not one of those people personally, but I can understand where that kind of habit can come from. I once was having sex with a girlfriend that I had when I was 21 who had purchased a Barry White CD for me for Christmas. Unfortunately, it was a CD that Barry had made during the era of Disco… and all it did was make both of us break out into hysterical laughter. Not exactly something that you want as a reaction while you’re having sex. But at least it was funnier then one time when I was dating this art student in Santa Cruz, CA. She liked Nine Inch Nails… which isn’t exactly mood music. It’s hard not to get intimidated if you’re having sex while “I Wanna Fuck You like an Animal” is blasting on the stereo. But Nine Inch Nails is better by far than Barry Manilow, whose music causes erectile dysfunction by proxy.
If any of these things have happened to you, or are happening to you in your present relationship (hopefully not while you’re reading this… it messes up the screen) then you may be with someone that you will be quite happy with for a long, long time… good luck!
posted by Todd Tobin at 7:33 AM
3 comments
