"Celebrities That Should Ride the Little Bus"

I'm going to start this off by saying that I just like to bring other people's attention to what I see, and how much I don't like what I see on TV. So with that in mind, Enjoy!

I saw the New Edition "Behind the Music" episode on VH1 a couple of months ago, and I thought that Bobby Brown was high. After having seen parts of an episode of his new reality show, I am convinced that he should be riding the short bus. For crying out loud, the guy stammers and looks like he's about to crap his pants and lick the windows! Watching that show is the intellectual equivalent of a frickin' lobotomy, with a side of electro-shock. I was a fan of Bobby in 1989, but that was the last time that he could even pronounce multi-syllabic words.
I hate to see people with such promise at an early point in their careers take a nose-dive into the bottle and nose-candy, since it makes for lame reunion tours. And Bobby, as well as Ozzy Osbourne are perfect examples of this type of crap. If you can sing a song without sounding like you should be wearing an adult diaper, why can't you talk? Or, if you have all that energy to make an ass out of yourself, why can't you just turn that energy inward and at least act sane?! I think that we as a society encourage these morons (not Ozzy, he's actually quite smart... when he's sober) to think that it's okay to do stupid shit in the eyes of the public because they're rich! I know that most rich people are no more intelligent than the slow kid on the Fry-O-Later at Jack-In-The-Box, but should they be allowed to live life so sequestered from the rest of us?
If the Hilton brood are any example, most rich kids are only made aware of style and how to keep their money, and haven't learned such things as tact and common sense. You see, most people that record themselves having sex either do it without their partner knowing it, or erase the copy as soon as they've watched it once or twice. Not so with Paris, who not only knew that the camera was there, but apparently enjoyed it's presence. Well, maybe we shouldn't be so surprised that she's narcissistic... we should just be surprised that a woman with all the curves of a ten-year-old male prostitute in Thailand shows off her flat ass and chest at every chance she gets.
Also, in general, most people that are famous aren't any better-looking than the average person; they just have a make-up lady with a lot of time and patience. As most of us learn in elementary school, the prettiest people are amongst the most shallow and stupid in your classes. Sure, they are often treated better at a younger age, but that can only carry you so far in life. Take any of the middle-aged actors and actresses that are still visible in Hollywood and you will see the cost of such popularity. Look at Burt Reynolds, for instance; the skin on his face looks like it's doing Indian Sprints to get to the back of his skull!
Let me just say one thing to all of the white celebrities out there: Stop Tanning Your Skin! You make Yoda look like Marcus Schenkenberg, for God's sake! Here's something that will astound you, however: Look at your arm... do you have any freckles? That's your tan! We as white people need to realize that we don't tan, we just burn! And please don't go the way of George Hamilton and put that tanning cream goop on your skin... it just turns your skin orange!
I am not a person that believes that you shouldn't try to alter your appearance, but if you do something to change your appearance, at least try to do it with a little common sense. If you're a stripper, and you're 5 feet tall, don't go for the size double F implants. If you think that your nose is too big, just get it shaved down a little bit... since at one point, when your kid is 13, he or she will ask you why their noses are so large, and yours is so small. And finally, let me just say that becoming really wealthy can be great, but always remember that there will always be people like me that see you making a fool of yourself... and making a joke out of it. So be responsible, it may save you the hassle of explaining yourself to the press.

"Creationist-Themed Zoos?"

In a story recently released regarding a "Creationist-Themed" Zoo from www.boingboing.net, (originally from AP) "...Those who favored the creationist exhibit, including Mayor Bill LaFortune, argued that the zoo already displayed religious items, including the statue of the Hindu god, Ganesh, outside the elephant exhibit and a marble globe inscribed with an American Indian saying: 'The earth is our mother. The sky is our father.'
'I see this as a big victory,' said Dan Hicks, the Tulsa resident who approached the zoo with the idea. 'It's a matter of fairness. To not include the creationist view would be discrimination.' Hundreds of people signed a petition supporting the exhibit...Zoo officials had argued that the zoo does not advocate religion and that displays like the elephant statue are meant to show the animal's image among cultures. The same exhibit includes the Republican Party's elephant symbol."
First off, let's address the simple fact that not all Christians are "Creationists", just nutballs like these guys. Most Christians are logical enough; and admit that evolution isn't as ridiculous an idea as the die-hard fundamentalists that apparently dominate the airwaves nowadays prattle on and on about. Secondly, I don't get how any "Christian" group can have a zoo that is "Creationist" by design. You see, if the Tigers, Elephants and Flamingos at the zoo looked as they did over ten-thousand years ago, the last thing any of these guys and gals for the ultimate lunch-maker would want to do is go anywhere near these animals. And last time I checked, Jesus wasn't a man shilling for the zoo-lobby in the first place. Was there a part in the Bible that I didn't read whilst being an Altar Boy that says, "And yea, Jesus stood before the enthralled throng of unwashed idolators and said, 'Bring me a three-toed Sloth, so that I may watch him engage in bestial congress'"? I didn't think so.
In America, we are encouraged to respect the religious beliefs of others, but there are times when we just have to say, "Whoa! Calm down there, Jethro... you have no right to speak for an entire religion! You can only speak for yourself." It seems that the harder we as a country try to get a little distance between us and our nutty, puritanical roots, the more the fringe-dwellers in the Christian Right push back. This country is largely Christian, yes... but not exclusively Christian. I was raised Christian, like many people are, but I don't for one minute think that my thoughts and beliefs should be forced on others, so when we have people like the the ones mentioned earlier who do think that this kind of stuff is okay, that's when I get pissed.
Besides the fact that Creationism isn't representative or symbolic of Christianity - since Creation-style stories exist in most religions - the whole idea of having Creationist themes in a zoo makes about as much sense as seeing a Chihuahua mount a Great Dane.
But as surely as this has happened, other groups - like the one in the article - will pop up insisting that they are being discriminated against when they haven't experienced religious discrimination at any point of their lives, being that they're from America. Look, for all you people out there that agree with the people that signed that petition, think of it this way: What if a Gay congregation decided that they grew tired of being kicked out of various churches all over country and approached the Governor stating that their rights are being trampled on all day long - which they are - and wish to have a pink triangle put on the state flag? And all it will take up is 10% of the flag. Would you do something about it, screaming about immorality and family values? Or would you realize that it is an immoral act to enslave innocent animals simply for the entertainment of slack-jawed hordes of idiots from all over; from the suburbs to the sticks?
I am always willing to offer a suggestion in these types of problems, so how about this: I will go to the zoo and air-brush a mural on the walls depicting the Creation according to Genesis. It will be dull to look at, but what other way would you rather spend your time in that most uncomfortable of places: The Public Restroom? After all, if you end up sitting on the john at a zoo, it probably feels like the fires of Hell are shooting out of your ass anyway, you might as well watch the beginning of the world to bring it all full circle. You wanted your theme, and there it is... congratulations.

Besides, if anything should be praised for the miracle of life, shouldn't it be Beer and sheep-skin condom companies from the 70's? Don't we all know how much those two things had to do with our being here? I thought so...