"Signs You Have A Job You Hate..."
Hey guys, I found myself thinking about the things that are good signs that you hate your job yesterday, and thought you would enjoy this crap, since it gave me a giggle or two... and I don't tend to giggle unless I'm medicated. So, here we go!
1.) After getting in an especially violent car accident, you think to yourself, "Ah Shit! I'm gonna be late to work!"
2.) Hearing the alarm go off on your clock radio as you slowly awake, you hope that it's an air-raid alarm telling you that your job has been reduced to a smoldering crater, and not Monday morning.
3.) Thinking about going to work the next day causes you to go on a massive drinking binge.
4.) You try to come up with new and interesting ways to get yourself fired, such as wondering to yourself, "Could they fire me if they caught me flogging it during my Lunch Break? Technically, I'm off the clock..."
5.) It slowly dawns on you that you feel liberated by your not giving a shit if they fire you; showing up to work in clothes that're so tight that the only looks that you get are utter shock, hearing people whisper under their breath, "Jesus, I didn't realize he was that out of shape."
6.) You start intentionally looking up inappropriate Porn sites through Google just to see if someone in I.T. will finally muster the balls to approach you. My personal favorites are, "Bestiality and Teen Starlets of the 1930's", "Masturbating Mammals" and "Self-Flagellation while reading Shakespeare".
7.) You actually tell people what you think of them to their face.
8.) Choosing to mix it up, you decide to make it obvious that you're pouring Cold Duck into your 7-11 32 Oz. cup, while constantly taking nips of it straight out of the bottle.
9.) Realizing that you have been remiss in your gaming lately, you start playing Starcraft II: Brood War on your Office Computer. Not to be out-done, however, you bring your gaming chair from home in, rock your online talk-ready headset and incredibly loud speakers for everyone to here how much fun you're having, all while constantly shouting, "Yeah!!! GET SOME!!!"
10.) During the inevitable meeting with your boss, you bring up taboo subject matter, starting off all your opinions with an incredibly back-handed insult to him, such as, "Hey Bob, you're a successful sack of Human Feces, how do you feel about the growing disparity of douche-bags like yourself that had parents that paid for their education and benefited from the same Legacy Enrollment that our inept President rose to power through... oh, and aren't you a Republican? I bet your old lady likes it in the pooper, doesn't she? Y'know, cause it's (wink,wink) 'naughty'? What would Jesus say about going Anal, Bob?"
I figured that since I've been getting lazy about posting as of late, that some of you guys would enjoy these random observations for now. I swear, my hand on air (since I'm an Atheist) that I'll do two more this weekend to make it up to you.
Have a good weekend, guys.
1.) After getting in an especially violent car accident, you think to yourself, "Ah Shit! I'm gonna be late to work!"
2.) Hearing the alarm go off on your clock radio as you slowly awake, you hope that it's an air-raid alarm telling you that your job has been reduced to a smoldering crater, and not Monday morning.
3.) Thinking about going to work the next day causes you to go on a massive drinking binge.
4.) You try to come up with new and interesting ways to get yourself fired, such as wondering to yourself, "Could they fire me if they caught me flogging it during my Lunch Break? Technically, I'm off the clock..."
5.) It slowly dawns on you that you feel liberated by your not giving a shit if they fire you; showing up to work in clothes that're so tight that the only looks that you get are utter shock, hearing people whisper under their breath, "Jesus, I didn't realize he was that out of shape."
6.) You start intentionally looking up inappropriate Porn sites through Google just to see if someone in I.T. will finally muster the balls to approach you. My personal favorites are, "Bestiality and Teen Starlets of the 1930's", "Masturbating Mammals" and "Self-Flagellation while reading Shakespeare".
7.) You actually tell people what you think of them to their face.
8.) Choosing to mix it up, you decide to make it obvious that you're pouring Cold Duck into your 7-11 32 Oz. cup, while constantly taking nips of it straight out of the bottle.
9.) Realizing that you have been remiss in your gaming lately, you start playing Starcraft II: Brood War on your Office Computer. Not to be out-done, however, you bring your gaming chair from home in, rock your online talk-ready headset and incredibly loud speakers for everyone to here how much fun you're having, all while constantly shouting, "Yeah!!! GET SOME!!!"
10.) During the inevitable meeting with your boss, you bring up taboo subject matter, starting off all your opinions with an incredibly back-handed insult to him, such as, "Hey Bob, you're a successful sack of Human Feces, how do you feel about the growing disparity of douche-bags like yourself that had parents that paid for their education and benefited from the same Legacy Enrollment that our inept President rose to power through... oh, and aren't you a Republican? I bet your old lady likes it in the pooper, doesn't she? Y'know, cause it's (wink,wink) 'naughty'? What would Jesus say about going Anal, Bob?"
I figured that since I've been getting lazy about posting as of late, that some of you guys would enjoy these random observations for now. I swear, my hand on air (since I'm an Atheist) that I'll do two more this weekend to make it up to you.
Have a good weekend, guys.
posted by Todd Tobin at 7:29 PM
1 comments
