"Valentines Day 'Rules of Engagement'"
I was sitting in my apartment the other day, thinking about all of the horror stories that I've heard from other guys regarding their first Valentines Day date with their previous girlfriends, so I thought that I'd write a little list of things not to do. And I'm sure the ladies are going to be thanking me for this later. Okay, so here we go!
1.) Don't take your date to a restaurant that only serves their drinks in pitchers.
2.) As good as Mexican food is, don't take your girlfriend to any place that has those obnoxious Mariachi singers. Nothing brings the mood down more while you're holding her hand and telling her that you love her than hearing five guys screeching, "Ay, Ay Ay Yiiiii!!!" at the top of their lungs.
3.) Don't do all your gift shopping (if you do end up buying her something) at the corner Liquor Store on the way home. I doubt that your lady likes 40 Ounces of Schlitz Malt Liquor... but if she does, hey, good for you.
4.) The normal, "Dinner and a Movie" formula isn't a good idea on Valentines Day, guys. It'll just make her feel that you don't care enough about her to do something special only once a year. Use your knowledge of what you know she likes and do something that is centered around those things... if she likes French food, look up a recipe for "Chicken Cordon Bleu" online and make that for her. Of course, you'll have to practice first, but eventually you'll get better at it.
5.) Candles... lots and lots of candles. But no Barry White, alright?! You're setting a mood, not filming a fuckin' Porno. Okay, you can play some Barry White, but only in the bedroom, understand?!
6.) This is a day dedicated to your Love for one another... so no farting. If you're feeling gassy, take some Beano or some Gas-Ex... she'll thank you for it later.
7.) Where a shirt with not only a collar, but sleeves too! You're not Larry the Cable Guy, you're funnier than he is, because you don't have to breathe though your mouth.
8.) I know that some of these things won't apply to people that live in rural areas and Trailer Parks... just felt like putting that out there.
9.) The thought you put into what you do together should be thorough, okay? It's a better idea to go somewhere over the weekend, than to try to do something on a Wednesday (after all, it's the middle of the frickin' week, and you're probably exhausted)... like a place with clean air... and beach sand, if you can manage it.
10.) Finally... just relax and have a good time.
1.) Don't take your date to a restaurant that only serves their drinks in pitchers.
2.) As good as Mexican food is, don't take your girlfriend to any place that has those obnoxious Mariachi singers. Nothing brings the mood down more while you're holding her hand and telling her that you love her than hearing five guys screeching, "Ay, Ay Ay Yiiiii!!!" at the top of their lungs.
3.) Don't do all your gift shopping (if you do end up buying her something) at the corner Liquor Store on the way home. I doubt that your lady likes 40 Ounces of Schlitz Malt Liquor... but if she does, hey, good for you.
4.) The normal, "Dinner and a Movie" formula isn't a good idea on Valentines Day, guys. It'll just make her feel that you don't care enough about her to do something special only once a year. Use your knowledge of what you know she likes and do something that is centered around those things... if she likes French food, look up a recipe for "Chicken Cordon Bleu" online and make that for her. Of course, you'll have to practice first, but eventually you'll get better at it.
5.) Candles... lots and lots of candles. But no Barry White, alright?! You're setting a mood, not filming a fuckin' Porno. Okay, you can play some Barry White, but only in the bedroom, understand?!
6.) This is a day dedicated to your Love for one another... so no farting. If you're feeling gassy, take some Beano or some Gas-Ex... she'll thank you for it later.
7.) Where a shirt with not only a collar, but sleeves too! You're not Larry the Cable Guy, you're funnier than he is, because you don't have to breathe though your mouth.
8.) I know that some of these things won't apply to people that live in rural areas and Trailer Parks... just felt like putting that out there.
9.) The thought you put into what you do together should be thorough, okay? It's a better idea to go somewhere over the weekend, than to try to do something on a Wednesday (after all, it's the middle of the frickin' week, and you're probably exhausted)... like a place with clean air... and beach sand, if you can manage it.
10.) Finally... just relax and have a good time.
posted by Todd Tobin at 7:28 AM
1 Comments:
Good rules...I like it baby...and...I love YOU!
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