"Have You Ever Wondered 5: Rave to the Grave"
I just realized that I haven't done one of these since the 22nd of December 2005, so I figured I'd chime in with more shit that irritates me... and heeeeerrre we go!
1.) Scott McClellan - You know, there are few people that I see on TV that truly piss me off as thoroughly as Scotty-Boy does. He's the Bush Administration's equivelant of Vanna White, flipping the letters around to reveal the same three phrases over and fucking over again, "Sorry, that's Classified", "We can't reveal that at this moment" and my personal favorite, "No, I don't know how those photos of The President being sodomized by Mr. Cheney got on the Internet." I find it fascinating that The President and his crony buddies can hide behind a short, bloated White guy as if he were wearing a Cloak of Invisibility with +4 Defense versus Magic Missile (roll 2 d8). This guy is the Neo of the bush P.R. Team... I wonder if, in order to be able to apply for the job, you have to eat a live Baby in front of everyone to prove that you truly have no soul? And by "No Soul", I don't mean that you can't do the Electric Slide... I mean that in order to pretend like all the bullshit that you tell the press is stuff that you actually believe to be true, you have pledged allegiance to the single most dim-witted Administration in the History of this country. I can't imagine anyone being that foolish... I mean, Forrest Gump was retarded, and look at how much common sense he had?!
2.) Bi-Sexuals - When I say "Bi-Sexual", I don't mean the true, actual Bi-Sexuals... I mean these stupid College chicks that go down on their friends that they drink excessively with at the clubs. That ain't Bi-Sexual, sweetheart... that's being a sloppy drunk. You see, there are two types of Bi-Sexuals:
a.) The type of person that could legitimately go either way (but typically prefers one sex over the other), and is totally comfortable with what they are.
b.) Then there's you... and you only do it when you're drunk at a Spring or Summer Break Vacation spot. And trust me, you make true Bi-Sexuals look bad.
Bi-Sexuals, Gays, Lesbians, Transsexuals and Drag Queens have it hard enough in this country, with the Federal Government trying to make it impossible for them to get legally married, with all the benefits that they deserve as human beings... and here come these stupid kids. Bi-Sexuality has had a massive underground building in the High Schools of this country over the last 15 years as a "Trendy" thing to do. But it's only really popular amongst young Women, since we all know that if a young Man did that shit he'd just be Gay... and being Gay and a young Man only gets you an ass-kicking in High School. Sexual Experimentation is something that most young people do, but it should never be a Trend, not when it can result in violent acts. And that's the important thing to consider: Are you Gay? If so, than feel free to be all the Gay, Lesbian or Bi-Sexual that you can be, but if not... don't even bother. And for God's sake, stay away from those stupid "Girls Gone Wild" Cameramen!
3.) Gas Prices - I'm tired of hearing people bitch about how expensive the Gas Prices are in this country, and in the same breath whining that it's all the Middle East's fault... it isn't. In fact, the OPEC Nations import a mere squirt in the bucket compared to Canada, so if want to complain, complain about Canada not lowering the prices that they charge. In my opinion, if our country wasn't so backward-thinking when it comes to Alternative Fuels, we wouldn't be paying so much. There are scientists that have been developing engines that run off of various oils (Corn, Grass and Fry-O-Lator... that's right, you could fill up at a greasy spoon) and even Water... which would be a good idea with Global Warming melting the massive glaciers in the North and South Polar Ice Caps, it may even stop America from being transformed into the mystical realm of Atlantis! Bottom Line, if you don't like paying so much for Fuel for your car, stop buying cars with mileage that make your Lawn Mower look like a Hybrid Prius and start thinking ahead of the present problem with relying on a finite fuel source... and get a bike or maybe even (gasp) walk a little more often.
And that's it folks, have a interesting April Fools Day!
1.) Scott McClellan - You know, there are few people that I see on TV that truly piss me off as thoroughly as Scotty-Boy does. He's the Bush Administration's equivelant of Vanna White, flipping the letters around to reveal the same three phrases over and fucking over again, "Sorry, that's Classified", "We can't reveal that at this moment" and my personal favorite, "No, I don't know how those photos of The President being sodomized by Mr. Cheney got on the Internet." I find it fascinating that The President and his crony buddies can hide behind a short, bloated White guy as if he were wearing a Cloak of Invisibility with +4 Defense versus Magic Missile (roll 2 d8). This guy is the Neo of the bush P.R. Team... I wonder if, in order to be able to apply for the job, you have to eat a live Baby in front of everyone to prove that you truly have no soul? And by "No Soul", I don't mean that you can't do the Electric Slide... I mean that in order to pretend like all the bullshit that you tell the press is stuff that you actually believe to be true, you have pledged allegiance to the single most dim-witted Administration in the History of this country. I can't imagine anyone being that foolish... I mean, Forrest Gump was retarded, and look at how much common sense he had?!
2.) Bi-Sexuals - When I say "Bi-Sexual", I don't mean the true, actual Bi-Sexuals... I mean these stupid College chicks that go down on their friends that they drink excessively with at the clubs. That ain't Bi-Sexual, sweetheart... that's being a sloppy drunk. You see, there are two types of Bi-Sexuals:
a.) The type of person that could legitimately go either way (but typically prefers one sex over the other), and is totally comfortable with what they are.
b.) Then there's you... and you only do it when you're drunk at a Spring or Summer Break Vacation spot. And trust me, you make true Bi-Sexuals look bad.
Bi-Sexuals, Gays, Lesbians, Transsexuals and Drag Queens have it hard enough in this country, with the Federal Government trying to make it impossible for them to get legally married, with all the benefits that they deserve as human beings... and here come these stupid kids. Bi-Sexuality has had a massive underground building in the High Schools of this country over the last 15 years as a "Trendy" thing to do. But it's only really popular amongst young Women, since we all know that if a young Man did that shit he'd just be Gay... and being Gay and a young Man only gets you an ass-kicking in High School. Sexual Experimentation is something that most young people do, but it should never be a Trend, not when it can result in violent acts. And that's the important thing to consider: Are you Gay? If so, than feel free to be all the Gay, Lesbian or Bi-Sexual that you can be, but if not... don't even bother. And for God's sake, stay away from those stupid "Girls Gone Wild" Cameramen!
3.) Gas Prices - I'm tired of hearing people bitch about how expensive the Gas Prices are in this country, and in the same breath whining that it's all the Middle East's fault... it isn't. In fact, the OPEC Nations import a mere squirt in the bucket compared to Canada, so if want to complain, complain about Canada not lowering the prices that they charge. In my opinion, if our country wasn't so backward-thinking when it comes to Alternative Fuels, we wouldn't be paying so much. There are scientists that have been developing engines that run off of various oils (Corn, Grass and Fry-O-Lator... that's right, you could fill up at a greasy spoon) and even Water... which would be a good idea with Global Warming melting the massive glaciers in the North and South Polar Ice Caps, it may even stop America from being transformed into the mystical realm of Atlantis! Bottom Line, if you don't like paying so much for Fuel for your car, stop buying cars with mileage that make your Lawn Mower look like a Hybrid Prius and start thinking ahead of the present problem with relying on a finite fuel source... and get a bike or maybe even (gasp) walk a little more often.
And that's it folks, have a interesting April Fools Day!
posted by Todd Tobin at 7:36 AM
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