"Ghost Rider Criticisms"

Okay, I have to get this out of me, since I’ve read an inordinate amount of criticism of the recent Ghost Rider film, and although I haven’t seen the movie myself, I felt like speaking about it a little.

A couple of good things to note when you are reading a review by a “Film Critic” are:

a.) A “Film Critic” is typically a guy/girl that is a film nerd that went to an over-priced Film School and doesn’t have enough talent to either Act, Direct, Write or even be a Key Grip in Plays, Films or Television shows well enough to do it for a living.
b.) The “Film Critic” is often Ted in Accounting at the paper, and is the only guy willing to go see movies he has utterly no interest in seeing in his free time… just because he really loves movie popcorn.

Most Film Critics are insanely hostile about movies that contain actors that they despise, and shit on decent films that they, for whatever reason, don’t understand. I learned at an early age that Film Critics don’t know shit about movies; they just memorize phrases that make themselves sound like they know what they’re talking about. They’ll make references to “Rififi”, “Citizen Cain” and “On the Waterfront”, all while comparing those movies to The Fuckin’ Parent Trap, for Christ’s sake!

Look, I took Film classes in college, and I can honestly tell you that most of the “Classics” that I just mentioned fucking sucked… they sucked so hard, that as I sit here writing this, I actually can hear a vacuum running in the distance. Much like the drunken uncle that was fun at family functions when you were a kid that died of Liver Disease, people look at stuff made in the past with a fond nostalgia for things that were quaint for their time, but have little relevance in modern society, other than to show how far film has come in the last 80 years.

This leads me to Ghost Rider… I’ve been a fan of the comic since I was a little kid, and I felt that the story was a good cautionary tale regarding involving yourself in things that you have no power to change, and how much pain you can inflict on yourself and others by choosing to do so. The basic story of Ghost Rider in the film, as far as I understand it, is pretty similar to the comic, and if you don’t like the Ghost Rider comics, it’s likely that you’re not gonna like the film either, as it’s a genre of comics that you have to genuinely be interested in to enjoy.

Much of the criticism that I’ve heard is about the Director, who did Elektra (a movie that despite its many faults, wasn’t all that bad) and how this film was doomed the moment that he was attached to it. Look, most directors make crappy films from time to time, but that doesn’t mean that everything they touch is going to stink… just ask John Waters, he’s been getting stepped on for the better part of three decades, and people still like his stuff, right?

The next complaint is that Nick Cage is playing Johnny Blaze, and that he has a hairpiece… really, that’s a pretty petty fucking complaint, in my book... being that Cage has had a failing hairline for two decades. Sure, Cage isn’t exactly everybody’s cup of tea, but if he were as bad of an actor as most people like to claim, he wouldn’t be working, now would he? And lastly, the other big point that people don’t like is the character itself… so let’s add all this up: The Director, the actor playing the titular role and the character from the comic all rub you the wrong way, huh?

Well, I’m sure that these critics just can’t be satisfied all the time, but then they go to flicks like, “Pearl Harbor” and “Titanic” and write glowing reviews for box-office drek that has little to offer as far as intellectual sustenance need to be schooled in the art if integrity, and I'm the one to teach them.

So here goes: shut the fuck up.

If you don't like Nick Cage, the Director of Ghost Rider or the comic itself, you are so biased in your hatred of the subject-matter, and the means of their delivery that you are incapable of doing your job, and should therefore bite your lip. If you wanted to complain about the comic, you have had three fucking decades to voice your opinion, and you lost your window to bitch about anything while maintaining any semblence of journalistic integrity... so shut your ignorant mouth.

I'm going to watch Ghost Rider for myself next weekend to see if the attention-grabbing tirades of these pseudo-intellectuals are worth a shit, and I'll post again next Saturday to let you guys know what's up.