"Todd's Wide World of 'What-If?'"

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to today's installment of 'What-If?', a new on-going series of fictional events to help explain real-life situations.

"Saddam Hussein revealed to be 'Arakahn, The World Devourer'!"

Lancaster (VD-'Roiders) At a recent press conference, Saddam Hussein was revealed to be 'Arakahn, The World Devourer' after President Bush released 1999 video footage taken by International Space Station personnel of a 50-Foot tall Hussein in full spandex regalia gnawing on the moon. "At first I was shocked," said the President, "I just kept thinking to myself, heh, 'How did he get a 50-Foot tall super-villain costume?'"

"That's what was in those tankers that were leaving those 'Chemical Manufacturing Plants' you idiots kept harping on!" said the former despot, "Only America could have figured that out I guess, since you f*&%ers have been doing non-stop air sorties over my country since 1991. So I have a super-power, so what?! Dick Cheney feeds off of the souls of the damned, and he isn't being prosecuted!"

The Vice-President assured all at the press conference that Mr. Hussein was just joking, saying, "Mrmmm mrmrmrmmr mmmmm hmhmhmhmhmh"

With this new evidence being brought to light, Gloria Allred of the law firm "Allred, Maroko & Goldberg" recently announced that she would represent the former dictator Pro Bono, saying that, "This is a blatant display of prejudice on the part of the US Government. Simply by attacking a man based on the pretext that he may do something horrible in the future with no evidence that he actually will is illegal and without precident in either Domestic or International courts." When asked about his having ordered the deaths of hundreds of thousands of his own country's men, women and children Ms. Allred said, "I cannot speak to the facts on that case."

With the idea that this case may truly be about Super-Power Discrimination, the blogs have been abuzz with conspiracy theories. Todd Tobin, the creator and owner of the lesser-known "Todd's Comic Blog" stated, "Hey man, these are just trumped-up charges. The easiest example that I can give you to that topic is Batman V. Gotham, which revealed that Batman doesn't even have powers! Look, Saddam did kill a lot of people, but he certainly didn't have to use his Super-Powers to do that! If anything, he's a delegater... which, although delegating is the 'Lazy Man's' approach to getting things done, he is after all a dictator... so what do you expect?!"

On a side not, Batman has filed for a "Wrongful & Malicious Prosecution" lawsuit against the Gotham State District Attourney's Office, citing that,"This has ruined my street credibility as a Vigilante. Now when I swing down from the roof-tops to apprehend suspects, they just laugh at me. This is what I deserve after decades of public service?!" The Gotham City D.A. was unavailable for comment at the time of this report.