"Have You Ever Wondered: The Wrath of Khan"
Okay, folks... I've got a fresh new list of stupid stuff for you! And here it is!
1.) Have you ever been in a restaurant where the waiter is a smart-ass? So have I! I was in a Marie Calender's in Santa Cruz with my Uncle a couple of years ago, and the waiter starts heading over before I'm ready to make an order, so I quickly start looking at the menu, searching for something to get to eat. He asks, "So, what can I get you guys this evening?" and my Uncle orders the usual meal he gets and I respond with, "Uhh..." to which he responds, "Sorry, we're all outta 'Uhh's' at the moment..." It took me all that I had to stop myself from leaping up from the table and going WWE on this asshole, so I shot him a look that said, "I'm about to backhand you like you were an Ike Turner 'Keeping Your Pimp Hand Strong Dummy' in 1976!" I know that these dudes that do this shit are only trying to be funny, but they aren't. They aren't even "Pauly Shore" funny... you know, the kind of laugh you give a friend who's really drunk and won't shut up until you giggle at least one of his horrible jokes. So, to all you waiters out there that fit the bill for this rant... shut the fuck up and serve the food!
2.) The guys that drive around in their pick-up trucks with the tail-gate down irritate the ever-lovin' shit outta me! Look, man... you're not driving in the Baja 3000, alright?! If you think that by having your tail-gate down that you're saving gas, you're even more idiotic in those toothless sewer-dwellers that think that Elvis, Bruce Lee and Tupac are kickin' it in Cancun... and that's pretty fuckin' stupid. Last time I checked, it wasn't alright for me to drive around down the freeway with the doors off and the trunk open, but you can do this crap and get away with it? Why don't you just upgrade to a "Dukes of Hazzard" replica with the racist little Confederate flag on the roof and drive off a cliff... because the last thing I need to worry about is running into your tail-gate due to your laziness.
3.) This last one is something I've never understood, and although I'm a Veteran... I still don't get it. Why is it that when you retire as an Officer in the service, and you're being interviewed on television... why is your former rank displayed after your name? For example, here's how it goes:
Stone Phillips: "Here we have a most distinguished guest, Col. John D. So-And-So, USMC (Retired). "
Who the hell cares if this jag-off was an Officer? He isn't even in the service anymore! Does his former rank somehow mean that he's more educated, intelligent or interesting just because he sat at a desk for 30 years?! If that is how it works, I would like my former rank to be displayed after my name, too... Mr. Todd Neal Tobin, 7-11 Night Shift Clerk (Retired). That would be sweet! Look, if you want to have that displayed... cool. But don't think that for one minute you're more important than anyone else. You served your time in the Armed Forces with honor and distinction, and that should be all the recognition that you get. Last time I checked, you're not supposed to brag about that, especially if you're a "Officer and a Gentleman and/or woman".
I'm sure there are a few people that read my blog postings that may be thinking that I'm an angry person. In fact, I'm quite the opposite... it's just that we all see these things from time to time, and we never let it out. It builds and builds up inside and we end up doing something that we shouldn't, like hitting someone you love, or drinking too much and crashing a car. I've never done either, but I know a couple of people who have... and they get angry at everything, while I merely get irritated and then write about it. Everyone needs an outlet, and I'm no different... and if you laugh at what I write that means that you understand what I'm saying. And laughing is better than nothing...
Have a good weekend, everyone...
1.) Have you ever been in a restaurant where the waiter is a smart-ass? So have I! I was in a Marie Calender's in Santa Cruz with my Uncle a couple of years ago, and the waiter starts heading over before I'm ready to make an order, so I quickly start looking at the menu, searching for something to get to eat. He asks, "So, what can I get you guys this evening?" and my Uncle orders the usual meal he gets and I respond with, "Uhh..." to which he responds, "Sorry, we're all outta 'Uhh's' at the moment..." It took me all that I had to stop myself from leaping up from the table and going WWE on this asshole, so I shot him a look that said, "I'm about to backhand you like you were an Ike Turner 'Keeping Your Pimp Hand Strong Dummy' in 1976!" I know that these dudes that do this shit are only trying to be funny, but they aren't. They aren't even "Pauly Shore" funny... you know, the kind of laugh you give a friend who's really drunk and won't shut up until you giggle at least one of his horrible jokes. So, to all you waiters out there that fit the bill for this rant... shut the fuck up and serve the food!
2.) The guys that drive around in their pick-up trucks with the tail-gate down irritate the ever-lovin' shit outta me! Look, man... you're not driving in the Baja 3000, alright?! If you think that by having your tail-gate down that you're saving gas, you're even more idiotic in those toothless sewer-dwellers that think that Elvis, Bruce Lee and Tupac are kickin' it in Cancun... and that's pretty fuckin' stupid. Last time I checked, it wasn't alright for me to drive around down the freeway with the doors off and the trunk open, but you can do this crap and get away with it? Why don't you just upgrade to a "Dukes of Hazzard" replica with the racist little Confederate flag on the roof and drive off a cliff... because the last thing I need to worry about is running into your tail-gate due to your laziness.
3.) This last one is something I've never understood, and although I'm a Veteran... I still don't get it. Why is it that when you retire as an Officer in the service, and you're being interviewed on television... why is your former rank displayed after your name? For example, here's how it goes:
Stone Phillips: "Here we have a most distinguished guest, Col. John D. So-And-So, USMC (Retired). "
Who the hell cares if this jag-off was an Officer? He isn't even in the service anymore! Does his former rank somehow mean that he's more educated, intelligent or interesting just because he sat at a desk for 30 years?! If that is how it works, I would like my former rank to be displayed after my name, too... Mr. Todd Neal Tobin, 7-11 Night Shift Clerk (Retired). That would be sweet! Look, if you want to have that displayed... cool. But don't think that for one minute you're more important than anyone else. You served your time in the Armed Forces with honor and distinction, and that should be all the recognition that you get. Last time I checked, you're not supposed to brag about that, especially if you're a "Officer and a Gentleman and/or woman".
I'm sure there are a few people that read my blog postings that may be thinking that I'm an angry person. In fact, I'm quite the opposite... it's just that we all see these things from time to time, and we never let it out. It builds and builds up inside and we end up doing something that we shouldn't, like hitting someone you love, or drinking too much and crashing a car. I've never done either, but I know a couple of people who have... and they get angry at everything, while I merely get irritated and then write about it. Everyone needs an outlet, and I'm no different... and if you laugh at what I write that means that you understand what I'm saying. And laughing is better than nothing...
Have a good weekend, everyone...
posted by Todd Tobin at 7:55 AM
5 Comments:
I smell like a cross between a drunken Fruitbat and an Otter on Acid...
Dude, only gay guys go to fairy calenders and bitch about uncle louie stealing your cheescake. Good take on the military shit. Who cares what fuck stick rank they had, their just on TV cause the real retirees don't fuck with them. On my interviews it will read: "big booty sex magnet"
Hey Chappy, what the hell do you mean when you said that stuff about the cheesecake? Are you drinking on the job again? Thanks for the post, man... or should I call you "Mister Big-Booty Sex Magnet"?
What I meant was, it was gay to get upset over your uncle, and wanted to spice it up with cheese cake. Thats right on the name. Chicks want me, and men want to be like me.
Don't you have a DVD of Battlestar Gallactic to watch or something? Our tax dollars hard at work, folks! I guess what you said makes sense, if I take your warped perspective of reality into account... you lush. And how was I upset over my Uncle? I thought it was obvious that I was talking about the waiter. You know that AA has meetings down in Lancaster on H-12 next to the tattoo parlor, right? I here they have a wonderful assortment of glazed doughnuts and bland, caffeinated coffee too!
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