"Everybody's Pretty?!"

Has anybody but me noticed that the one thing that is completely devoid of reality is reality shows? Who came up with the premise of having a reality-based program wherein everyone looks like a fucking model? I haven’t seen so many six-packs since I worked on the night shift at the 7-11 in Castaic ten minutes before 2 AM. If you want to see the formulaic attempt at reality watch any given reality show and you will be indoctrinated into a backwards world where only those with personal dieticians and physical trainers roam the earth. You’ll see one of the following: somebody from the Midwest, the South, the Northeast, the Pacific Northwest and California. In addition to that, they need one each of the following: A Gay person, a Libertarian, a Christian Conservative, A Bitch/Asshole, a Feminist, an Utter Moron/Bigot and an unrepentant Alcoholic.
Sometimes for the sake of time an interesting combination of many of the above-listed criteria are found in one body, with comic consequences. I’m waiting for a show populated primarily by Gay, Midget Alcoholics with severe racist tendencies that would be called “Little Liver, Big Mouth”. Who knows, with today’s standards of broadcasting maybe my dream will come through in a couple of seasons? I can only dream, can’t I?
My friends love reality shows, but I personally don’t get it; much like I don’t understand why people love going to theme parks and waiting in line for three hours to get on a roller coaster ride that lasts for only one minute and could possibly kill you! Wheee! Sign me up! In hindsight, I now realize that I am as sarcastic and cynical as people tell me.
But getting back to the subject, I complain about things like reality programs and theme parks because of the inherent lack of intellectual stimulation that they provide. Not to say that I only spend my days and nights pouring over vast mounds of scrolls or anything, I just think that there is more stupid available for human consumption than anything else on network TV. I am not impervious to the inestimable wave of these shows however, and though I may thrash wildly against the riptide of idiocy I often find myself watching such things as the E! or VH1 shows that catalog the failings of well-known celebrities.
Maybe it is our own Voyeuristic inclinations that drive us to watch these things, or maybe it’s the fact that life for us is so mundane that we are compelled to watch money-grabbing mouth-breathers like the freaks who go on Fear Factor eat live African Cave Spiders to remind ourselves that maybe our lives don’t suck as much as we think they do. Whatever the case may be, there will always be a part of the human subconscious that revels in hurling dung at the weaker of the species; only the dung that is being hurled in this case is made of equal parts human stupidity, advertising, hedonism and that Penny that your big sister tricked you into swallowing when you were six. So until “Little Liver, Big Mouth” crawls from the primordial ooze, I guess I’m stuck with “American Chopper” and “The Greatest Week Ever” and laughing at the inaccuracies on “The O’Reilly Factor”... now that’s great comedy!